“Having preferences is not a problem, nor is enjoying them. But when preferences crystallize into requirements, we suffer.”
~Ezra Bayda~
Preferences are part of being alive. They give our days texture — favorite flavors, cherished people, hopes that light us up. There is nothing unspiritual about liking what you like. The ache begins only when a preferences hardens into a demand on life. When “I’d love this” becomes “I must have this to be okay,” the heart tightens, the mind argues with reality, and our nervous system goes to war with the present moment.
Gratitude and acceptance are not passive; they are powerful forms of alignment. When they become the foundation of your day, something subtle shifts: you stop outsourcing your peace to conditions. You can still desire, still create, still reach for what feels true — yet without gripping the outcome like a lifeline. This is what detachment really is: not caring less, but clinging less. Loving this life while allowing it to move.
Attachment builds invisible walls inside us. We attach to a specific plan, a person behaving a certain way, a timeline, an identity, even a story about who we think we need to be. Then life does what life does — changes, surprises, reroutes — and we stand at a threshold: soften into what’s unfolding, or resist it. Resistance creates suffering. Softening creates space.
If suffering arises, let it be a gentle teacher. The intensity of distress often mirrors the intensity of attachment. Pause and notice: What expectation just became a requirement? What am I insisting must happen for me to be okay? In that honest seeing, the fist loosens. Energy flows again. And in the openness, something new can emerge — sometimes what you wanted, sometimes something wiser than you could have imagined. Loss and disappointment are not punishments; they are invitations to live and love more authentically right here.
Blessing:
May your preferences stay playful,
your desires stay open-handed,
and your peace stay rooted within.
May you recognize the clench the moment it begins,
and remember you are safe to soften.
May life surprise you with gifts you couldn’t have required,
and may you meet each turning with courage, grace,
and a heart that keeps saying yes.